


Every Day After Life

by fallenforsupernatural



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Happy Ending, Heaven, M/M, Mark of Cain, Spoilers for 10x19, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 09:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3804640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenforsupernatural/pseuds/fallenforsupernatural
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam looked at the knife again. It was big and sharp and heavy. This is what Dean wanted. He looked up to see determined, green eyes. At the end of every day, it was Sam and Dean. And that would never end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Day After Life

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 10x19, Werther Project! Also, warnings for suicide!!
> 
> Inspired by the purgatory conversation between Benny and Dean, where Benny says that killing Dean would ruin Sam.

Sam looked at Dean, his eyes switching from green to black. There was desperation in Dean’s eyes, begging Sam to end the pain. Pleading for Sam to put him down so he didn’t turn into the monster he used to be. “Please, Sammy. Please.”  
Sam’s hand shook. He raised the blade, but dropped it just as quickly. His arm felt like it was made out of rubber. He was desperate and so, so miserable. He’d failed at finding a cure. He couldn’t save Dean. The only thing they’d managed to find was a way to kill Dean—and to stop his demonic resurrection. Dean would be dead, gone forever. Sam couldn’t do it. “I can’t…ask someone else, anyone. Ask Cas.”  
Dean shook his head. “There’s no one else, Sammy. It has to be you. You’re my last chance. If I hurt you, I’ll never forgive myself. And I can’t kill myself. I’ll become a monster. Do you want that?”

Tears built up in Sam’s eyes. “No,” He croaked.

“Exactly,” Dean said. “Do it, Sammy. I know you can.”

Sam felt a tear slip out and saw it mirrored on Dean’s face. “I love you. Don’t make me do this.”

“If you love me, you _will_ do it,” Dean countered. It was a low blow and both Winchesters knew it. “You’re not killing me, Sam. You’re setting me free.” Sam shook his head rapidly and Dean stepped forward to cup Sam’s face with his palms, callused from years of hunting. “We’ll be together again, Sam. We’re soulmates. Nothing can keep us apart. You keep fighting, okay? Always keep fighting. You understand?”

“I can’t,” Sam sobbed. “I don’t want to.”

“I know, Sammy,” Dean crooned. He kissed Sam softly and the younger Winchester’s eyes slid shut. “It’s going to be so hard, baby. But you can do it. I know you can.” He wrapped his arms around Sam. “I trust you.”

Sam examined the sharp blade in his hands. “I…”

“Do it, Sam,” Dean urged. “Before I turn into a demon and hurt you.”

Sam wrapped his brother in a hug. He clung to Dean tightly, inhaling his scent and memorizing every feature. He adjusted his grip on the blade. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Dean breathed. “For every day of my life, and every day after.”

Sam’s tears dripped into Dean’s hair and he shoved the blade through Dean’s back. He pulled back to watch Dean’s face. There was a soft, peaceful smile on his face and Sam watched the light fade to lifeless green orbs.

“Dean,” Sam cried. “Oh god.” He sank onto the ground still holding Dean’s body. It hadn’t lost it’s warmth but he knew no blood was pumping, his heart wasn’t beating. _Always keep fighting_ , Dean had asked. _We’ll be together again._ Sam looked at the gun tucked into Dean’s holster. He knew the feel of the cold metal in his hand, he knew where to point it to make sure it was quick.

It wouldn’t be the first time Sam had broken a promise or let Dean down.

Life without Dean seemed pointless, though. He didn’t feel like fighting anymore. Dean had been the reason for fighting and now there was nothing but darkness. Darkness that pulled Sam into a void of misery, that suffocated him.

He pulled the gun out of Dean’s holster. “I love you, Dean. I love you so much. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t fight. I’m sorry I’m weak.”

He lifted the weapon and turned the safety off. “We’ll be together again, Dean. And this time, it will never end.” He raised the gun to his temple. “I’m sorry.”

The world went dark.

*

That’s how Cas found them, an hour later. Their bodies were intertwined, a silver blade protruding from Dean and a gun resting in Sam’s unclenched fist. He couldn’t even tell whose blood was whose. It was poetic, really, that the brothers left together. Castiel felt utterly miserable for the loss of his friends, but he still smiled. He imagined Dean and Sam together in Heaven, _finally_ getting the vacation the boys deserved.

*

When Sam woke up, it was dark. He panicked, because he thought somehow he lived. But above him there were stars. It was much more clear than any night Sam had ever seen and he could see the constellations easily. It was peaceful. He let out a relieved sigh. He’d made it to Heaven. It was unexplainable, but somehow he was here.

Now he had to find Dean.

He got to his feet and examined his surroundings. There was nothing else around, certainly no Dean. “Dean!” Sam yelled. “Dean!”

“Sam!”

The cry was faint, but Sam turned in the direction of the voice. “Dean!” He jogged in that direction and it wasn’t long before his brother’s familiar face came into view. “Dean!”

Even from the distance Sam could see the relief painted on Dean’s face. Sam bounded forward until he could throw his arms around Dean’s neck. “Woah, Sammy!”

“I’m so happy to see you,” Sam exclaimed.

Dean pulled back slightly. “Are you…”

Sam bit his lip. “I used your gun.”

Dean ran a hand through his hair. “Sammy.”  
“Are you mad?” Sam asked. “I’m sorry. I know you asked me to keep fighting but I just _couldn’t_. I was weak. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Sam,” Dean assured. “I’m not mad. I kind of wished you could have the apple pie life you always wanted but…” He shrugged. “I’m kind of happy to see you again.”

“And this time,” Sam said. “I never have to leave.”

**Author's Note:**

> for those of you who have been depressed or suicidal--you are valuable and important to this world. Always Keep Fighting. The boys would want you to.


End file.
